On this day, I took my boys on a bike ride.  We explored the Fermilab campus.  The architecture was surprising.  I didnt expect it to be so cool.  The time outside with the boys, in the fresh air with the sun on our faces, this is where my soul feels home.

The last four years have been tough, I wont lie.  There has been good, but more not-so-good.  As I sat in a church pew a few weeks ago, mere inches from someone who could have changed our lives drastically, I cried because it wasnt what I wanted anymore.

Also on this day, I could not bring myself to feel for the grieving.  All the not-so-good times were flooding my memory.  All the times I couldnt speak up for fear of the wrath.  All the times my boys were scrutinized.  Just flooding me.  My heart raced.  I fought tears while riding, so my boys wouldnt see my mixed emotions of sadness and relief.

There has been a weight lifted.  I feel lighter.  My heart can breathe.  Sadly, though.