Dear Max -

Today you are finishing up the first week of your third month.  Time is going by so fast.  I've gone back to work, leaving you in the hands of Grandma during the day.  It was a bit of a transition for us.  I could tell that you were happy to see me at the end of the day.  At home, you only want to be held and snuggle.  We have to do this for about twenty minutes before I can do anything else (make bottles, lunch, laundry, etc).  This is my favorite part of my day. 

You had your first set of vaccinations.  You did not like them.  At.  All.  You screamed, then held your breath.  It took two nurses and your grandmother to encourage you to breathe.  You, I can safely say, inherited this from me.  That evening you cried for an hour straight.  You did not feel well, and only wanted to be held.  You and I napped in the rocker. 

You are smiling, smiling, smiling!  Its so spontaneous.  You just smile.  From ear to ear.  I love it.  I want to hug and kiss you each time you smile. 

You've decided to become very verbal.  Just the other night, you had spit up in bed, and when I picked you up to change your pyjamas, as you laid on the changing table, you had quite a bit to say to me.  And loudly!  I'd imagine it was something like this.  'Its about time Mom! I've been laying here in stinky formula vomit! GROSS! Geez!'

You can lift your head and your chest off the floor when doing tummy time.  You get so excited when you do so, your arms give out and you fall back to the floor! 

Your visual / hearing connection is stronger.  You can see me, hear me and when you do you turn your head.  You follow me all around. 

You are getting the hang of keeping things in your hands.  You can hold a rattle and bring it to your mouth. 

You went swimming for the first time.  You were a bit skeptical.  By the third time, you were very comfortable, throwing your head back and feet up to float. 

You rolled over!  It was more like you had a serious case of the leans when doing a push up and you were working so hard to keep it up.  You kept leaning, and leaning and whoop! over you went.  You had no idea what happened.  You got to witness me doing the happy dance!

I am SO glad you are here.  I am SO blessed to have YOU. 

I love you Max.

Love, Mom

*Max, 4 weeks

Next week Max starts attending daycare, so I've been busy completing his registration paperwork and collecting the items they need to have in his classroom for him.  During the orientation, the primary caregiver for Max asked how he liked to sleep, immediately assuming on his back.  I said no, he sleeps on his stomach.  Up went the eyebrows, the eyes got big and then she forced a smile.  She told me that its state law and the day care center policy that if he cannot turn over by himself, he will be put to sleep on his back.  WHOA!  Hold the phone!  Max doesnt sleep on his back, a decision I made on the 2nd day home from the hospital.  I watched him sleep on his side and it just looked downright uncomfortable.  And I am completely against back sleeping for all sorts of digestive problem reasons and flat head reasons. 

I had to call Max's doctor to get a note stating that Max has to sleep on his stomach.  I was a bit shocked after reading the note, which basically said that I wasnt following the recommendations of the American Pediatric Association.  I realized I am one of 'those' parents because I have my child sleep on his stomach. 

Lock me up for this.  And before you do, be sure to make me eat brussel sprouts, because I also am a big advocate of getting babies in the water as young as possible.  I dont want Max to be afraid of water.  I want him to be able to enjoy swimming and playing around in the surf.  I want him to know the joys of childhood water related activities.  I believe many parents are shy of the water with their newborns or infants because of the sun and exposing them to harmful rays and chemicals.  I am smart about this, I either lather Max up with suntan lotion, or I wait until early evening when the sun is setting.  I also give Max a bath after any time spent in a pool.  Dont we take showers after swimming?  Why would it be any different for Max? 

I wish I had filmed Max in my friend Ria's pool last Saturday.  He immediately smiled and then was consistently throwing his head back and legs up to float.  He loved it!  It was so natural to him to be in the water. 

*Max, 11 weeks

Everyone parents in their own way.  I am going with my gut feeling, my intuition.  It feels right doing so. 

This is the one thing that I am horrible at, sending 'thinking of you' messages.  I am always thinking of people, wondering how they are, if they are on the mend (for those who were ill) or just plain interested in what they are doing.  I find emails to be so impersonal, yet convenient.  And when I am shopping I never think to buy the cards to stash away (see first Inspired weekly post). 

Each year, one of my resolutions is to get better at sending cards.  I think this year I might actually resolve it.  Starting with this : Just Because. 

I have an aunt who is currently recuperating from major surgery.  I've been thinking about her, wondering if she is doing well.  Tomorrow, I will pop this in the snail mail. 

Being budget conscious and wanting to eat healthy cannot be in the same sentence.  Eating healthy nowadays is expensive, which infringes upon other areas in the budget (and in my house the first area to sacrifice in the budget is Entertainment).  Its a terrible catch-22 that the food industry has us in.  However, since the 'green' movement has kicked into high gear over the last years, more and more people are growing their own. 

Why not? I see these as the benefits for having your own veggie garden:
-financial - you arent paying for overhead to run a store and employee benefits.  And if you dont grown your own, but purchase from a local farmer, you are supporting them.
-health - pesticides are most likely not used in your backyard or local farm like they are used in the giant conglomerate food chain farms.  Taking the over exposure to these out of the question, I think, allows you to enjoy the true flavor.
-endless cooking possibilties that could run into one or both areas mentioned above.  For example, cucumbers can be pickled.  Fruit can be jammed.  Pumpkin can be breaded or pied. 

I am very inspired to make as much of my own as possible.  Breads, jams, pickles, granolas, etc.  I have very clear memories of my mother doing the same.  She has a canning set in the basement (I think its still there) that made the best apple jelly.  I know she has a slicer that was used to slice cucumbers, zucchini and squash grown in my Dad's backyard garden (this is also the same slicer that she was using the night my brother flipped over the chair and had to go the ER! ... weird how I have this association, isnt it?)  

To go blueberry picking now (as in now, like this is the time to get picking, late July-early August): Tammen Treeberry Farm. 

To go apple picking this coming season: Garden Patch Farms.

Homemade Salsa recipe for fresh from the garden tomatoes: Fresh Salsa Recipes.

Simple jamming recipe: Easy Blueberry Jelly.

And if you are going to make jelly, toast is a must! : Simple Whole Wheat Bread.

Enjoy!

I cannot describe how much I love this little guy.  I kissed him non-stop today when I picked him up after work.  He was probably all 'geez mom, easy on the sugar!'. 

Do you have one chore that you actually dont mind doing?  Do you find that you might look forward to this chore?  Find its mindless work that actually relaxes you?  Yeah, me too.

My favorite chore is Laundry. 

I could do it all day long, and never complain about it.  I used to hate it with a passion.  But since I've been on my own in my own home, laundry took on a whole new meaning.  Now with Max, that meaning changed again.  Pre-Max, laundry meant taking care of myself.  Post-Max, laundry now means taking care of me and Max or I can now say, my family. 

I cant put my finger on this exactly, but since Max has arrived and blended so nicely into my life (or I should really say how my life has blended with Max), I feel like I have a purpose now.  My life has a purpose.  Doing laundry has a purpose (other than making sure we have clean clothes).  Its one of those 'Mom' things.  Moms do the laundry.  Moms make the meals.  Moms kiss the boo-boos. 

In the last 10 weeks, I've made sure that the laundry was done, and put away.  I've made sure the sheets on the beds (mine and his) are changed weekly (if not more, him).  I've made sure that bottles are made every night before I go to bed.  All of these chores, as much as some people cringe at the thought of them, I enjoy them and they make me feel like I am doing atleast one part of the Mom job correctly. 

Today I've returned to work.  I've left Max at my mother's house for her to spend the day with him while I come here and contribute to the company's success.  People have asked, 'Are you ready?', 'How are you feeling about going back?'  My answer to all questions, 'I have to.' and 'Since I know I need health insurance and a solid income, I know I have to work.' 

And so it is, me here putting forth an effort into a job that I do enjoy, that was my life for the last five years.  This company was very fortunate to have me give what I gave without complaints or asking for anything in return.  Now, I should say they did give me awesome opportunities of travel all around the world, and a decent maternity leave. 

The balance between work and personal lives is like a teeter-totter, and the last five years its been real heavy on the work side.  Now its starting to weigh heavy on the personal side.  I do imagine I'll need to find a good balance.  Luckily for me, my company is filled with working mothers that I can look to and find guidance.  And at the end of the day, I'll feel good about working (and collecting the paycheck) and more importantly, I'll be super excited to see Max and hug him and kiss him non-stop!

Max in Motion from Melissa Mensavage on Vimeo.

I am a worry wart.  I've been like this for as long as I can remember.  Must be genetic.  Question then, who is the worry wart I get this from??  Surely not my mother, possibly my father, maybe even a learned behavior.  But it doesnt matter.  What matters is how I drive myself CRAZY when I get like this. 

I have the typical new parent concerns and worries ... is Max getting enough nutrition, am I providing enough love and affection to nuture the relationship, alarmed by blue hands and feet after a bath and I wont bore you with the rest of my concerns.  I loose sleep when I have a concern about Max, his physical and mental health.  I SCOUR the internet looking for answers because I need an answer now.  Waiting until the next day is not an option.  (And we all know that the internet is not the place to get answers to your problems.  Surely not medical answers ... I mean, cripes, WebMD has you dying for every ailment they can think of.  A hangnail, dead.  A twitch of the eye, possibly cancer first, but definitely dead.)

This does not bode well with me, my worry wart gene, late nights, lack of sleep and me standing with a flashlight over Max, examining him, while he's sleeping in his crib.  It's then I find my original worry that brought me into the room futile.  Though somehow a new worry forces me back to my room, fliping open the laptop and Google'ing. 

Does this ever go away?  I am guessing the answer to my question, without asking the internet, is No.  This never goes away, just changes as with Max.  Maybe its high time I change too, and do my best to let the 'wart' of Worry Wart go.  (because man, my head hurts from all this worrying!)

My view, understanding and love for my body has changed. 

Before Max, I would abuse my body by not eating, making poor food choices, having little to no nutrition.  I would exercise compulsively because I thought I was 'fat' as defined by society.  I would do all the previously mentioned and then some, just to squeeze into size eight jeans.  Sure, it did wonders on my psyche, but my heart? my blood pressure?  my cholesterol?  Um, probably not so great. 

Now I sit here, having given birth to another human being and having to shop for new clothes, I am finding that I am not so hard on myself because I cant fit into size eight pants.  I am now conscious of what I eat, making sure I get proper nutrition so I can be healthy for Max.  I have stretch marks on my stomach but I am not disgusted by them nor am I ready for them to go away.  (I know they never will, but I want them to take their time shrinking)  Why?  Because its a gentle reminder of what my body did and can do.  I am in awe over the fact that Max is a result of my body.  He started out as just a bunch of cells, and now he's in the next room sleeping in his crib. 

There is a line in the movie Miss Congeniality 2, at the end where Gracie visits a classroom of a grade school fan, and says this to the class, '... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?'

This is a great  message to everyone, in regards to self-esteem and image.  Dont let what the tags say, what peers say, about how you should look, what size is beautiful.  Everyone is beautiful in their own right.  This message has finally made it through to me. 

I look at my body now and knowing what it can do, the miracle it can provide and I find that I love it just the way it is, stretch marks, hanging uterus and all.  I've never been this comfortable in my own skin.  Its such a great feeling.  So much better than knowing what the tag says.  

Dear Max,

You are now two months old.  This means two months have gone by with you in my life and I couldnt be happier.  When you were around six weeks old, I felt this enormous amount of love for you come bursting out of my heart.  I've always loved you, even before you were born, but this is different.  It is good.  Very good. 

You have changed so much since the first time I had seen you.  You are growing like a weed!  Changing every day.  Just the other night you grew out of your pyjamas during the middle of the night.  I put you to bed and they were a bit snug, and when you woke for your normal 3AM feeding, you couldnt straighten your legs!  Like always, I can look at you, watch you and talk to you all day long and never get bored! 

You are in a constant state of motion.  Dr. Glas calls you 'Max-in-motion'. 

You are moving in your crib.  I put you down in one place and when I pick you up, you are at the other end of the crib, or turned sideways. 

You enjoy music (thank you lord!).  You become very quiet and still when music is playing.  Ms. Bee, the giant bumble bee that sings 'I'm a babbling bee, I'll sing you a song tee-hee.  I'm a babbling bee, didily didily dee.' is one of your favorites.

You are cooing more, a way of you communicating.  I love to hear it.  You usually do this when you are excited, happy or what I am seeing to be an awnry state (forsight of sarcasm???).

You are holding your head up by yourself when I have you sitting on my knee, to burp.  Or when I sit you on the couch. 

You have found your hands!  You like to chew on your fists, and you'll bring your hands to your chest when you are eating.  You also hold your left arm/hand in the upright position when laying on your back.  I'd imagine this is what you did in utero.

You can follow me around the room, in the kitchen when you are sitting in your swing. 

You love the playmat in my bedroom.  You stare at the blue polka dots and the blue peacock. 

Grandma and I have identical bouncy chairs.  You love hers, you hate ours. 

You love the 'How big is Maxwell?' game.  Mommy says, 'How big is Maxwell?', holding your hands, and then we raise your hands over your head and say, 'SO big!'. 

Most importantly, you are working on your smiles.  They make their appearance, but not frequently or spontaneously yet.  I usually get a smile when you are on the changing table.  I love your smiles. 

Thankfully for both of us, a routine is starting to creep into our lives.  You like to sleep in.  You'll wake for an early morning feeding and then you'll want to go back to sleep to about nine or ten.  I get to watch you sleep during this time, a new hobby of mine!  I miss you when I leave you to run errands, and you are with Grandma.  I miss you when you sleep all day and we have had little play time.  I've been told you are an easy going child.  I have no complaints, even when you are screaming your head off because you are pissed you are back in the car seat once again!  You are my all-time favorite person and I count my blessings every day you are here.

I love you Max.

Love, Mom

There is nothing like coming home to see a box like this on your front porch, with immediately identifiable handwriting.

Then think, 'what did I ask her for?' or 'what did she say she was sending me?'  Only to find out when you open the box and these pop-out (literally). 

It is then you realize this is type of mail you LOVE to get.  Then you dump the box on the kitchen floor and you see ALL the goodness that was packed inside. 

This was an awesome surprise to finish out a Wonderful Wednesday! 

(Note: this totally goes with the whole 'recycle' idea of living I am holding.  Thank you really to Nicholas, Erika and Zachary for sharing these awesome goodies with Max!  We have Kermit sitting on the dresser who will say every morning, 'Its not easy being green!')