*jjill holiday catalog

The holiday mailers are in full swing.  I like them.  They are welcomed  in my home.  (much more so than the political crap!)  They are pretty and happy and full of good things that I want to purchase.  They are also very inspirational.  I like this one. 

What's your simple wish?

This is the first thing I read when I pulled the mail from the mailbox.  After a long day, where almost everything did not go as planned, the only thing that came to mind when trying to answer the question?  Simplicity.  Just as it says.  Simple.  Wishing my life could be a little bit simpler. 

Not that my life by any means is complicated, but as of late I cant get my head around simple tasks.  For instance today, I should have gone to the store to purchase formula during my lunch hour because a good mother would know that when she is scraping out the formula container means its time for more.  Instead I went to Target because I am on the hunt down for a red amaryllis in a white ceramic container to get the right balance of holiday in my home.  Having my house is disarray is probably the cause of me being nutty. 

To make my life simpler, I would love an extra hour in my day just to get the little things done so that I feel like I am in control again.  Maybe after this weekend, when the house will be decorated, things will be where they need to be and I can sit back and enjoy the holiday season with Max, will I feel better about things. 

Also, I have a second part to my wish.  All the less fortunate than I have a warm place to be this holiday season. 

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Be sure to check out Amazon.com for any Christmas gifts on your lists.  They have some great deals, including free shipping!

*charlie + max, thanksgiving 2010.

If there is nothing else in the world that says everything else doesnt matter but this, this picture says it all.  For everyone. 

Charlie is one half of the twinkies and is the shy one, or the one who likes to do things his way, and he'll come around when he wants to.  Up until now, he really hasnt shown any interest in Max.  On Thanksgiving, he came right up to Max on the carpet, laid down with him on the floor, and started playing and being loving. 

My heart swooned so big, and then it melted. 

My Thanksgivings as a child were spent at my grandmother's house in Philadelphia with my cousins.  I recall me, my brother Andrew, my cousins John and Ian, all just running around, hanging out, up to no good in the basement.  Grandma would yell from the top of the stairs 'stay out of there!'.  There = the pantry or my grandfather's workshop.  Somehow she knew. 

Watching the above made me miss my grandmother.  Lots. I know we cant live forever, but I am SO thankful that we are a family where family is important, and spending time together is just as important.  I want the same for Max. 

This picture will get printed and put somewhere where I can look at it everyday (most likely that'll be work!) and remind myself what's important. 

I am thankful all year through, but this time of year I find myself being exceptionally grateful.  Now that Max is here, I wake each day saying a prayer of thanks for him, but he allows a whole new light to shine and giving a new meaning to the holidays. 

Besides Max, I am thankful for my family, all of them.  For my health.  I am thankful for freedom to express our minds, creativity, opinions in this great country, America.  For without it, many of us wouldnt have what we've obtained in our lives. 

What are you thankful for this season? And everyday?

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I am excited for the Christmas season this year.  Though Max wont have a clue, it'll be SO different than all the Christmas Pasts.  I am doing my version again of Ali Edwards December Daily project, of capturing each day of the season in a photo. 

Would you like to join me in this adventure?  Would love to see your photos from your Christmas season. 

This week I've noticed so many changes in Max, especially around his mobile independence.  Take a look at the photos below and you'll wholeheartedly agree. 

**He now holds his bottle all by himself.  Rarely does he need my help.  Maybe on days where he practically wants to like the inside, is when he needs my help. 

**Or sitting in the store carts.  No more infant carrier carseat. 

**Or just plain sitting up. 

**Or getting used to the new tub seat for baths.  He has a nice grip on the thing, holding on for dear life.  Tonight it took everything I had to pry his little hands off the seat!  He's starting to understand that he can play in the water. 

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On Monday, I accidently hit the record button on the camera.  I was able to catch him doing this. 

Max sitting @ school from Melissa Mensavage on Vimeo.

Making some changes around here.   (As I have been saying for the past few months, if not longer!)  I am expecting by the first of the year this will be a whole new place.  I am excited. 

I'll be the first to admit that I surely am my own worst critic.  I think my critic though has a chronic problem.  Its unusually critical.  Like over-the-top-obsessive-compulsive-wicked-witch-of-the-east problem. 

I had posted this shortly after I had given birth.  My body simply amazed me at what it was capable of.  This week, the critic, lets call it Lord Voldemort, had found its residence again in my head. 

Prior to getting pregnant, I used to work out anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes a day.  Hard cardio and weights, every day of the week.  I never took a break.  Wearing that size 8 was a result of this.  Plus the fact that I wouldnt eat.  Looking at this now, with a healthier mind, I realize whoa! that wasnt a healthy lifestyle I lived. 

Max and I finally found our groove and a routine that suits us both.  Working out still isnt finding its way into the groove as often as I'd like, just yet.  I am sure that will change.  In the meantime, I am enjoying my time spent on the floor with Max, or reading books together, or whatever it is that we need to do.  I'll get back to a healthier weight soon. 

So when I found myself being SUPER critical of myself this week, especially about my body and my appearance, I felt negative and ugly.  I probably carried myself differently, and people could read that.  How is it that Lord Voldemort was able to return? 

It was like I had a V8 moment right smack in the middle of me gorging on cookies, I had asked myself, why am I eating like this?  What is wrong with me?  Why do I feel just left of center? 

Dating.  And the men who have a thing about womens weight. 

I know I'll never be a super model (genetically not possible with my short legs.  = ) ).  I know I am not naturally thin.  But the one thing I am not is obese.  Once I was able to calculate that it was their problem, not mine, I started being nice to myself again. 

My good friend Amy said to me this week, the person you choose to be with should make you feel better about yourself, not make you constantly worry.  Thank you Amy!

*photo credit

I have been surprising myself lately with the things that I want for Max.  Before I was pregnant I never gave two seconds of a thought to christmas stockings, school pictures or how much of an impact I will have on Max just being a role model for him.

All of these items have come front and center as of late. 

Over the weekend as I started to plan for christmas (yes i am!!), I realized that Max will need a stocking for all the little goodies Santa will bring.  I started to search the internet (pottery barn, garnet hill, ll bean, etc) for a nice classic stocking.  I saw some that I liked, but I didnt feel the love and excitement that comes along with a stocking. 

I pulled mine out of the christmas box and as I was holding I recalled it was handmade by my grandmother (i think, correct me if i am wrong Mom).  Each year I admire my stocking, touching the soft section of Santa's beard, or way my name is stitched.  There is nothing store bought about this ... except for maybe the fact that it had to be purchased at a store in order for it to be created.  I want Max to have this same feeling I have even now at my grand old age, of love. 

Thankfully I was encouraged to sew as a kid.  I will be putting those skills to good use here over the weekend and making Max one of the many items he will have for the rest of his life. 

Stay tuned for the finished product! 

photo credit

Dating.

I've been doing it since I was probably fifteen or sixteen years old.  Seems the type of male I am attracted to might not exist.  This morning I was able to actually verbalize my frustrations with it. 

In case you didnt notice, I'm single.  Have been for a while now.  Seems the men that present themselves in my life are of the same caliber.  Not all that great. 

The men that I find to be great, and would be ideal as a mate, unavailable.  (and that's okay, they werent meant to be my mate)  However, I think I finally met someone who could be that ideal mate.  Unfortunately he has a deal breaker that doesnt match with my goals. 

I have a life goal that is number #3 on my list.  Its really important to me.  You see, as a child and a young woman, I always imagined I'd have a big family.  Seeing how my path has lead me elsewhere, I am now okay with Max and a sibling.   Two children.

This particular gentleman has decided no more children.  So how do you say, 'you know what? it looks as if you were going to be on that great list.  then you said this. and knowing this, and the feeling of a closed window in my life is not great.'  I'm not ready to say 'no more kids'. 

I know of a few people who've adjusted their dreams and goals for their spouses.  I mean that is what a relationship is all about.  Give and take.  Yet, I see how there is a slight resentment in the relationship because of these adjustments.  I dont want resentment in my list of feelings, nor is there room for it.  (Mom Guilt is taking up way too much space these days!)  I dont want someone to have resentment towards me either. 

So back to the dating drawing board I go.  This time though, I am wiping the board clean and putting up new rules. 

All parents love their children.  How many parents can say they actually like their children?  Over the weekend, I was able to get a snippet of what is to come, I think.  Max was just talking away on Saturday as we were getting ready to run some errands. 

He would talk a bit, then laugh (or what appears to be a laugh), then talk some more. 

And the story continues.

I couldnt help but laugh and smile as this was going on.  I just stopped all things to take in this moment.  If this is truly the 'Max' personality breaking through, I will genuinely like him. 

Its starting to feel like the holidays now.  Today I am inspired to fancy the Goodwill and a few other resale and craft shops to get ideas for the blank canvas I have in the dining area. 

I read something the other day in a parenting magazine how dressing up for Halloween left an impression on one parent as a child, and is doing the same as adult for her children.  I want to do the same.  I want Max to know that I decorate for the holidays, that I participate in the holidays.  He will have memories of me singing christmas carols all season through (even in my tone-deaf-is-not-allowed-to-sing-in-church voice) and one day will look back on all of it and smile, knowing his mother was giddy over the holidays.  (and think, the woman could not carry a tune!)

Dear Max,

Today is your half birthday.  You are six months old.  I remember about a week after your birth, I had wished for you to be six months old so that I knew what you would like, dislike, smile, laugh and most of all have a routine.  Thankfully my wish didnt come true too quickly, but the time does move fast.  You are the most enjoyable little boy.  You spent the afternoon with Grandma today, so that I could rest and feel better (as I was sick) and being home alone felt wrong.  This isnt just my house anymore, its our house. 

You are growing like a weed.  Each week there is something new about you, let alone the clothes we are going through. 

You reach for items so naturally now.  You'll do it when you are on your tummy, on your back, as you roll to your side, basically anywhere. 

You roll over both ways now.  You are starting to roll across the floor. 

You are also using your hands to feel textures.  You rub your hands on the couch to hear the noise.  Same with the bassinet.  You like the quilted liner. 

You cut your first tooth on October 25th.  I found while we were attending your first parent-teacher conference. 

Your conference went well.  The two teachers adore you, look forward to your days at school.  You get along well with the others, always watching and observing them. 

You participated in the school's Halloween Parade.  You sat in the buggy with your friend Jack. 

You also had your first school pictures.  That was a definite 'mommy' moment for me. 

You took your first airplane ride to see your Aunt Sharon, Uncle Geno and cousins Nicholas, Erika + Zachary.  You loved being there.  You did well on all flights except the last one on our way home.  You were done with flying, being cooped up and having to get comfortable on my lap.  (I can say I was done too!)

You love your Grandma.  On several occasions now I've seen you reach for her when we are at her house.  You smile at her all the time. 

I worry each day I am doing the best for you and when something isnt right or goes wrong, I feel horrible.  But you are such an easy going child, that it does not seem to phase you.  Even when you are exorcist vomitting on me.  Thank you sweet boy for being here, being mine. 

I love you Max.

Love, Mom

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This month's montage ....